Further but closer?

Just got off the phone with my mom... but it wasn't the precursor to this particular blog post. I've actually been thinking about it since the weekend in which I failed at my goal of writing it over a lackluster Valentine's Day weekend. Ah well, here it is as I touch upon the anomaly that is improved parental/family relationships I've experienced despite living away and in minimal contact with my family members. Since I was 18, I haven't lived at home. In a sort of weird relationship, as I saw my parents less, my relationship improved. Not to say I had a terrible union with the people that brought this wonderful bundle of joy in this world, nothing from that. But I felt as though my relationship had improved leaps and bounds and developed into something much deeper than the superficial provider relationship which is at the basis of having an offspring. Of course throw maturity into the equation, but I actually think the lack of face-time did a great job in truly putting a focus on the relationship. As you get older and gain independence, it's natural to see your parents less yet this reinforced with an increased understanding of what your parents have done for you surely puts the right pieces together for a strong family bond. Beyond my parents, shit with my brother is much better now as well. I've felt much closer to him this last trip here than I ever have (no homo... pause haha). I'm not angry that I see my parents/brother less as I know that enjoy we hang out it will be awesome.

When I was a kid, I truly felt my only connection with my dad was through soccer. So many things that played out through the first 23 years of my life in terms of the sport had my dad in the back of my mind. In retrospect, I never really played so much as I enjoyed but rather to make sure that I made a proud father. Some people might argue that you should do things for yourself, but to me, making my father happy at something he seemed to love more than I did, was in itself a great reward. I never really wondered what would of happened when I stopped playing soccer. Whether this great connection I had held with my dad would all of a sudden disappear. But sure enough, our conversations about soccer shifted into the "real world". Actual adult topics were now the focus rather than our previous chats about yesterday's game, or the latest gossip. With that came a nice reassurance that something that did and should mean a lot to many people (your parental relationship) was definitely still there. Maybe I was naive to think my dad would dis-own me the minute I hung up the boots, but looking back it just shows how dope he really is.

Growing up in a first generation Canadian family from immigrants (not to mention Chinese), I look back on things and wonder how different my life could have been. Relative to most first generation families, Hon & Connie were super liberal. For that I have to thank them immensely. I was allowed to explore and allowed to make mistakes, crucial elements that are a necessary evil to self-exploration and personal development. I'm sure many kids live dual lives among and away their parents but I really felt none of that. Sure there were spots of quasi-abnormal punishment such as doing math problems till you cried or getting locked in a windowless room, but could be much better than the bamboo stick across the ass haha. I'm super grateful for that and I will carry these lessons onward when I decide to have a little Eugene.

Anyways another late post... finally getting around to re-tagging, re-organizing ALL my pictures EVER. It's tedious but comforts my obsessive compulsive tendencies to have everything done very methodically. Following that, I'll pull the trigger on a Flickr Pro account and develop an unreal workflow so I can share pictures more easily.

Sidenote: I realized how important desensitization to negativity is important in life to be successful. Don't waste your time on negativity but understand it and channel it. All the perpetual negativity that I've experienced has a lesser impact each time around which is important to work as it doesn't slow you down going forward.